Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
