I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
