I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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