i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
