Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
