i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
