something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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