im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
