normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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