Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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