i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
