You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
