Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
