Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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