At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
