am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize