I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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