How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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