well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
