took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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