There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
