You really coming over, don't trick.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
