You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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