NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
