My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
