just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
