Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need water and some morals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
