Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
