New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
