"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
