Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize