Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
