hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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