Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
