What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
