Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
