wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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