If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
