This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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