Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
