I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
