how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I party with great urgency now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
