i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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