I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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