i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
