I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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