I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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