it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
