can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
