He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My feet surprised me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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