just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
