I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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