make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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