I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
