i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
