Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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