you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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