How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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