Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
