Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
