M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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