I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
