you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
