I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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