Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
