this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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