I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
