Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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