Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
