I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
