so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
