Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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