3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
