remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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