You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
