seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
