i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
