im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
